Wake Me Up When September Ends

I am back in the hospital on IV meds.  I knew it was coming especially because I am following a schedule of two weeks on IV meds, four weeks off, but I am obviously not too happy about it.  I feel like a fish in a fish tank.  Keep going around and around the tank, just continuing to follow the same routine over and over again.  Trapped in the tank unable to go or see anything else.  There is the occasional change, like when the rock is taken out and a boat is put in its place.  The boat is cool, but the rock is missed.  Nothing can be done about this though because I'm a mere fish in a fish tank.  I am not going to have much control of anything until someone comes with a net, scoops me out, and sets me free in the ocean.  I don't know when that day will come, but lately it seems like the fish tank is getting smaller and smaller and I want out.  I am just so tired of everything...

I am tired of the coughing, the constant struggle to breathe.  Tired of the pain in my chest and being attached to oxygen 24/7.  I am tired of the hospitalizations, IV meds, the Vest and nebulizers.  I am tired of the fevers, my whole body aching and weak, unable to do something as simple as take a shower.  I am tired of being stuck on the couch, reliant on a wheelchair, and watching the muscles in my legs disappear.  I am tired of losing weight, being and looking sick.  I am tired of having to sleep inclined and waking up wet from night sweats due to my fevers and my body over compensating to breathe.  I am tired of having to need and rely on other people to help and do everything for me.  I am tired of waiting, keeping my life on hold as well as my family's.  I am tired of talking about plans for the future instead of making them.  I honestly want to crawl under a rock and fall asleep until this whole thing is over.  Someone can come and wake me when this transplant is about to take place because I am just tired.