This is going to be written in blocks of time, because this is how I remember it. My mind was a mess through this whole time and I only remember things in chunks. I will do my best to explain myself to everyone and hopefully you will all be able to follow along. If not please feel free to ask me anything.
After I woke up I was moved to Cardiac Thoracic Intensive Care Unit (CTICU). I do not remember too much in this unit at all. I remember my friends and family around me and I remember events, but I do not remember the floor or the nurses. Tuesday July 9th stands out at me the most. I remember the doctors taking two of the four chest tubes out. I was surprised that it didn’t hurt. They removed the neck catheter and that didn’t hurt at all either. I recently found out that this was called a Swan-Ganz catheter for those who want to look it up. They also removed my feeding tube since they were allowing me to eat. Every tube they removed made me feel a little more normal.
I was sore, but I was not in horrible pain. I had a pump that I could click to get morphine and I think I remember the nurse telling me I could click it as soon as every fourteen minutes whenever I was in pain. I also remember when they gave me food. I was so excited for food, but I remember having a hard time eating it. Bobby was breaking food into small pieces for me and feeding it to me. I was happy to be eating, but I remember being annoyed that some of the food was so hard to chew and I remember the rice being very spicy. I ate a little bit of everything and ended up asking Bobby for the ice cream because at least that was easy to swallow and of course tasted good. After dinner I was told I was being moved out of ICU and onto the transplant unit on floor 7. Dad went upstairs and checked my room out and said the view out the window was of the Hudson River. He was pretty excited I had a nice view. The nurses told my family I was going with them and they could meet with me after I was settled in. I did not like this at all. I did not understand why they couldn’t just come with us, but I didn’t say anything because I figured that they could go and get something to eat themselves.
I remember the transport completely. There were two women talking to each other as they were moving my bed from ICU, down the halls, into the elevator down a hall again and through a door into a room. The entire time I was very tired. I was about to doze off, but kept fighting it because I wanted to see everyone in the new room when we got there. Well that didn’t work out so well….after going through the door the next thing I remember was lying in the bed with my nurse saying my name. I was lying on the bed and it felt like the bed was really warm, almost like it had a heater attached to it. I just kept saying, “Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.” I heard Jason ask my nurse why I was so hot. She had no idea. I stopped repeating hot and was able to talk to my nurse and Jason. I then told them they needed to unplug the bed. Both said there was no heater on this bed. I understood what they were saying, but I still wanted them to unplug it because I was hearing this horrible buzzing sound. I was having a conversation with the nurse and trying to get her to understand me and just unplug the bed to make the noise go away and she wouldn’t unplug it. I tried to get out of the bed to get away from the noise, but again she wouldn’t let me up. After this I was in and out. One minute Jason, Erika and the nurse would be there and the next no one would be there. I would call out for someone and they would come to me. I remember hearing Jason and Erika talking to people by the door. I could hear in their voices they were scared and getting mad at everyone because no one could give them an answer as to what was going on. I then opened my eyes and I was surrounded by different people asking me questions. I was being asked things like what was my name, my birthday, where I was, and who was the president? When they first asked my name I was telling them my name with Jason’s last name. I was told that didn’t happen yet and was told my last name. I remember thinking, oh yeah and after that I had no problem telling them my last name. I started spelling it over and over again. And not just saying it, I was yelling it almost. I am not sure why I did this, but I did this a few times. Erika said, “Elisha you had a different name when you were younger. Do you remember what that was?” I was able to tell her that too. I was able to tell them my birthday with no problem. When asked the present date, I could not tell them. I could not even give them a year. When they asked me where I was I kept telling them Dunkirk, New York 14048. They kept telling me I was not in Dunkirk and I knew I wasn’t in Dunkirk. I saw a map in my head that I was not in Dunkirk, but I couldn’t figure out the name of where I was. I was able to tell Jason that I was next to the Hudson River, but I could not get out New York City. I was able to tell them the president was Barack Obama, but I could not figure out the name of the previous president. I knew it was an older man with grey hair, but I could not get out George Bush. With both of those questions my mind was blank. I was searching for an answer and could not come up with one. It was really frustrating me.
I know I was in and out a lot because I don’t remember them saying ok we are going to stop questioning, I just remember opening my eyes and something else going on. At one point I remember Courtney holding my hand and asking me if I knew who she was. She was wearing a gown, gloves and a face mask so I looked at her for a little while not sure. She started asking me if she was different people. When she got to Erika I remember responding to her in a nasty tone, “You are not Erika.” Then she asked me, “Am I Courtney.” When she pulled down her mask I smiled at her and said, “Yeah.”
My heart never stopped, but I was told that I had no reflexes, not even to pain. Jason and Erika could tell the doctors didn’t want to say it out loud, but everyone was thinking that same thing. I was told that they were taking large needles and putting them into my body and I was not giving them a response. I don’t know what happened, if I was brain dead or if I died for a little while. Really can’t know. The next thing I remember was hearing that horrible buzzing again and not being able to move at all. Laying there I thought I was dead and I remember the conversation in my head like it was yesterday. I remember saying to myself, “Am I dead? Is this what it is like to be dead? Am I going to hear this noise for the rest of eternity? What about my family? Will they be ok? Jason will be fine. He will get my life insurance, my car, and he will move on and find someone. He is too great and won’t be alone long. Maybe he will end up with Erika. Why can’t I see anyone? I should be able to see people. See what is going on while I am laying here. I should even be able to follow people around and haunt them if I want to. This is no fun at all. I really don’t like this and I want to wake up. I want to live and see what these new lungs are going to do for me. I have to wake up. If I start throwing up I will wake up. I have to make myself throw up.” This is when I started throwing up and the room started to become clear. I could see doctors standing around me. They were suctioning me as I was throwing up, saying my name and asking me questions. It took me a few minutes to come around and be able to talk to them back, but I heard and saw them. I continued to hear the buzzing, but it was getting quieter.
I was sent to the Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU). I remember a lot more here, but I was still really out of it. I do not remember whole days, just blocks of time. Jason told me that I was re-intubated to protect my airways. He told me that I was very upset by this and almost yanked the tube right out of my throat. This is when he told them to tie my arms down so I couldn’t do it. I do not remember doing this. All I remember of this is pulling my arms and realizing they were tied to the bed. I was not happy about this, but I only remember pulling my arms a few times and that is it. I remember at one point telling my mom that I had an appointment scheduled for a massage and it needed to be cancelled. She asked me the name of the place because she needed a phone number. I told her, “822-envy.” She was a little confused because that was not a phone number, but she dialed the envy anyway. To her surprise someone on the other end answered, “Massage Envy would you like to book a massage or facial?” She said she was very surprised I was right because I was still so out of it. I was also telling Jason to make sure all the bills were paid and make sure he did everything on the list I made for him. Before I went into transplant I had a word document made up of things he had to do when I got a transplant. He told me he already did everything on the list. Funny that was one of the first things I was worried about. That is me though. Lol
I was in a lot more pain this time around. My back was really sore and I was having a hard time getting comfortable. This was bad because at this point the doctors did not want me having any pain meds except for acetaminophen. I could not move much on my own. I was on a sheet that made it easier for the nurses to lift and reposition me higher on the bed when I slipped down a bit and I was constantly asking them to reposition me. The bed in normal setting would change once in awhile on its own to prevent bed sores and that helped somewhat, but it was not enough. The bed had multiple settings and one nurse found this one setting for me that really helped. It kept the bed moving constantly. It did a wave and felt like I was on the ocean. It didn’t make the pain go away, but it made it more comfortable to sleep. At certain positions this function would no longer work. I would have to call a nurse and ask them to start it again. The problem was that some of the nurses didn’t know about this function. It was so frustrating trying to get them to figure it out for me. I had asked what the function was called, but it took a few times for me to remember it.
The person I remember the most in this room is Erika. I remember her staying with me at night until I would fall asleep. I remember her telling me she would stay in the room until I fell asleep and then she would go home. She kept her word too because I remember her being there and I would wake up in the middle of the night and she was gone. I also remember telling her about music. I was getting ready to go to sleep and the music was really bothering me. I asked the nurse to have the neighboring room turn down their TV because the music they were listening to was too loud. It wasn’t loud, just loud enough that it annoyed me and was preventing me from falling asleep. My nurse put her head near the wall and told me she didn’t hear anything. I heard the nurse ask them to turn the TV down a little and Erika asked me if that helped. I remember telling her, “No, they didn’t turn it down. I guess they didn’t care.” Later on Erika told me I said this two nights in a row. The time I just explained was the second night. My nurse and Erika still could not hear it, but when they walked out of my room and went by the next room, the neighbor was listening to music. The previous night I was saying it was loud rock music that sounded almost like screaming. At this point the neighbor didn’t even have the TV on and I had been telling the nurses all day that I was hearing it. This was obviously an auditory hallucination.
Jason had left for Buffalo that weekend so that he could get things together for his brother’s wedding the next weekend. As I came around I was mad at Jay when I realized he took my phone and glasses. He had taken them when I was out of it and forgot to give them back before he went to Buffalo. I was mad because I could not see and I also wanted my phone. Not that I could use it, but I was still mad. Haha I wanted to go on my phone and have Erika read me my facebook notifications from everyone so she signed into my facebook on her phone and was reading posts to me. Between the memories I had and how well she knows me, we were able to figure out my password together. She is too awesome.
My last night in MICU was Sunday July 14th. My mom was heading back home that night. I still had my dad, my brother Bobby, and Erika there with me. Jason was returning on Tuesday and I found out that Grandma was coming to see me on Monday. She was going to drive with Betty and they were going to stay with me for a week. I was so excited to see her. I was also happy because she was going to bring my glasses and phone with her. I wanted my glasses more because I hated not being able to see anything. I can see up close, but everything else is blurry and my eyesight is bad.
Monday morning I was then transferred to the 7th floor yet again. This time my dad insisted on coming with me. I don’t remember much of this. I really don’t remember anything until Grandma and Betty showed up with my glasses. I was very happy to see them, but I will admit I was very happy to be able to see. Lol
Days later Jason explained to me what had happened while I was out. While I was confused no one knew what was happening to me. The initial thought from the intern was that I had morphine overdose. Both Jason and Erika thought I was having a stroke. Tests had to be done to try and figure it out. I had an MRI and EEG done to see what was going on with my brain. A lumbar puncture was done unsuccessfully to try and see if I had an infection. The end result was that I did have a stroke. They found a deep vein thrombosis (DVT), a blood clot, in my neck that is believed to be caused by the catheter and three small blood clots in my brain. These three blood clots in my brain caused three separate lesions. One lesion is in the frontal lobe, one is in the posterior thalamus and the other is in the anterior midbrain. When each of these sections are looked at my symptoms make a lot of sense. The frontal lobe controls personality and memory. The posterior thalamus is believed to act as a relay for every sensory function, excluding olfactory, it regulates states of sleep and wakefulness and is necessary for motor control. The anterior midbrain controls auditory, vision, motor control, sleep/wake, and temperature regulation. This news scared everyone, but as you can see I recovered! Next I will talk more about floor 7.
Wendy Jones · Grape farm Specialist at Olde Chautauqua Farms
You did a Great job with this blog...and its very interesting to read what you went through...
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