For Thanksgiving Memories

Funny how everyday seems to be the same.  Then you look back a year, or even a few months, and so much is different.  The changes are normally so subtle they go unnoticed and then bam, the realization of how different it is kicks in.  Sometimes the life changes are good and sometimes they are bad.  When it's bad giving up should not be an option.  Things will change again.  If you give up now, there will be no experiencing the good things in the future.  Nothing is forever.  The only constant in life is change.

Everyday feels the same to me.  I wake up, do my treatments, do what my body lets me (which is not much), do my treatments and then go to bed.  People ask me all the time, "How is everything going?" "What's new?"  I have nothing to tell them.  My days are boring and chaotic, with nothing to report.  They are boring because I have no energy to do anything.  I just sit around and do what I can to pass the time.  They are chaotic because everything is a battle.  When I look back to Thanksgiving last year, I was eating with my family not dependent on oxygen.  Afterwards Jason and I went Black Friday shopping.  This year none of that is an option.  I am upset about it, frustrated and wanting this to be over.  My lungs are holding me prisoner and not allowing me to do anything.  Some days are harder than others and I will admit I sometimes say I don't want to do this anymore.  Then I find my strength and quickly get over it.  I remember all the things that I am thankful for and I keep fighting.  If I give up this disease wins and I won't be able to talk about the changes from this Thanksgiving to the next one.